Category Archives: Memoir

Packin’ Up. Gettin’ Ready to Go.

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“The best journey takes you home.”

–Ursula K. Le Guin (1929-2018; American novelist and essayist renowned for her contributions to science fiction and fantasy literature; from her 1969 novel, The Left Hand of Darkness.)

Every now and then, a Silly Notion finds its way inside my head and takes up residence there. Try as I will, it won’t move out, even when I threaten it with eviction notices.

The Silly Notion that I can’t get rid of now is that I might be happier if I were to move away from my mountaintop oasis and find myself a lower-maintenance oasis downtown in a fabulous city somewhere. This Silly Notion has been living quietly in my head for a long, long time. I’ll give you an example.

In the fall of 2019, my late partner and I spent a week in Brattleboro (VT), where I was the keynote speaker at the Brattleboro Literary Festival. I had been to Brattleboro many times before, but it was Allen’s first visit. He fell in love with the mountains and the river and the funky downtown, a little San Francisco rolled up into a few blocks.

When it was obvious that our Brattleboro love was a shared one, we had some serious conversations about packin’ up and movin’. I was a little surprised that Allen–a Floridian–would even consider such a northerly move, especially Brattleboro’s average snowfall of 56 inches. However, I didn’t even have to bring up that topic. Allen settled the whole discussion when he gave me his coy, twinkly-eyed angelic smile that only he could give:

“Sure, we’ll move to Brattleboro, but we’ll have to airlift our gardens if we do.”

I laughed. We had had similar conversations before, and I had heard Allen’s response before when we visited Asheville (NC), Charleston (SC), and Savanah (GA). He and I loved the downtown vibes of small cities.

Obviously, we loved our mountaintop oasis more. Obviously, too, I still love it more because I’m still here, but that Silly Notion of moving is still in my head, too. Here’s what’s really funny. The notion is so silly that it actually thinks that I could sell my mountaintop home rather quickly. Hmmm. On reflection, I probably could. One of my neighbors told me once that if I ever sold, he’d like first dibs on my upper lots.

“I doubt that I’d ever sell just a part of my property. If I ever sell, it will be a total package, and I come with it.”

I guess he didn’t like my on-the-spot, standing-up proposal because he didn’t accept. Too bad. He would have gotten a damned good bargain.

I imagine, however, if I approached him now with the opportunity to buy–knowing that I’m no longer part of the deal–he might give it some serious thought. He should. If he didn’t, I’m sure some city slicker would, just as I did when I became a DC refugee. City slickers would love my Shenandoah Valley heaven. They could trade their car horns for my bird songs and their traffic jams for my stargazing escapades. My serene landscape and tranquil nights would woo even the most urban soul. Plus, and I’m not boasting, my oasis has one of the most commanding views anyone could ever hope to find in this part of the Shenandoah Valley.

§   §   §

Selling my home, then, isn’t the challenge. The challenge is straightforward: where would I go? I have lots of options. So that I don’t show my leanings and inclinations–Scorpions like me, after all, like to keep people guessing–I’ll talk about them in alpha(betical) order.

Asheville, NC.: I’ve been to Asheville countless times, and the idea of living in that vibrant city is enticing. It might be wonderful to return, immerse myself in its artistic culture, and walk around the neighborhood where Thomas Wolfe lived. I could stand on the Square where Grover stood in Wolfe’s “The Lost Boy,” listening to his thoughts:

“Here,” thought Grover, “here is the Square as it has always been–and papa’s shop, the fire department and the City Hall, the fountain pulsing with its plume, the street cars coming in and halting at the quarter hour, the hardware store on the corner there, the row of old brick buildings oil this side of the street, the people passing and the light that comes and changes and that always will come back again, and everything that comes and goes and changes in the Square, and yet will be the same again. And here,” the boy thought, “is Grover with his paper bag. Here is old Grover, almost twelve years old. Here is the month of April, 1904. Here is the courthouse bell and three o’clock. Here is Grover on the Square that never changes. Here is Grover, caught upon this point of time.”

Aside from the literary appeal is the culinary one. Cúrate’s thriving treasure troves of Mediterranean food and wine would beckon me for regular lunches. I could take in art exhibits at the Asheville Art Museum, shop at all the funky shops, and enjoy chocolates at French Broad Chocolate Lounge. The sound of street musicians and the sight of quirky art installations would inspire and heighten my own bursts of creative energy. Add to all those joys the high of hiking Mount Mitchell and DuPont State Forest.

Let me check out some condos. Wow! I would have lots of options–to rent or to buy–but I am gobsmacked by the amazing condo that I just stumbled upon. It’s in downtown Asheville, above Ben and Jerry’s, near parks, shopping, dining, and all the action. 2 bedrooms. 2 baths. 1,130 square feet. OMG. It has a cozy balcony with views of Pritchard Park and Haywood Street, a working brick fireplace, gorgeous hardwood floors, and tons of windows with mountain breeze. It’s my reinvention dream come true. Say whaaaat? $749,000, plus monthly condo fees! Hmmm. Next time, I’ll look at the price first before my soaring hopes get sore.

Even if I could find a less-expensive condo (and I’m sure that I could), I wonder. How long would the initial creative rush of downtown Asheville continue to nourish me?

Brattleboro, VT: I did as I said that I would do. I looked at the price first: $279,000! I’ll tell you more about that gem after contemplating the treasures that Brattleboro offers. Those who know me well know that I love Brattleboro. I’ve been visiting there since the 1970s when I started my research on Mary E. Wilkins Freeman, who launched her acclaimed literary career while living in Brattleboro and captured the spirit of the town beautifully:

“Oh how wonderfully beautiful it was in Brattleboro. I used to walk to the head of High Street, and stand and look at the mountain in winter. The beauty in Brattleboro made a great difference in my life.” (To the Citizens of Brattleboro, Vermont, December 14, 1925. Letter 461. The Infant Sphinx: Collected Letters of Mary E. Wilkins Freeman. Edited with Biographical/Critical Introductions and Annotations by Brent L. Kendrick. Scarecrow, 1985.)

Every time that I’m in Brattleboro, I explore the streets where Freeman lived and walked. If I moved there, it would be a real boost to my ongoing Freeman research. Aside from that perk, Brattleboro is a delightfully charming town. I always refer to it as Vermont’s own Asheville. It’s artsy, and it has a bohemian vibe with free spirits roaming freely. It’s nestled along the Connecticut River with Mount Wantastiquet rising up on the other side.

But, whoa! You’re not going to believe the gem of a home that I found there. Picture this: a charming pergola, a delightful stone terrace, and enchanting gardens. It’s like stepping into a world that beautifully blends Old-World charm with the vibrant vibes of downtown living. And here’s the real treat–not one, but two porches that would allow me to admire those picturesque gardens and stonework. But the icing on the cake has to be the view. I can soak in the breathtaking Wantastiquet ridgeline and witness the moon climbing up the mountain just as Freeman did:

“The memory of the moon rising over the mountain causes the same surprise, the old leaping thrill of wonder at unexpected loveliness. […] I cannot now rid myself of the conviction that it was a special moon, rising nowhere else in the world. Its glory would fling out its road before it, then the first gleam of celestial fire would show over the mountain summit, and an elderly woman, for whom the good of her soul the old remained new, would call out: ‘there it is, the moon.'” (To the Citizens of Brattleboro, Vermont, December 14, 1925. Letter 461. The Infant Sphinx: Collected Letters of Mary E. Wilkins Freeman. Edited with Biographical/Critical Introductions and Annotations by Brent L. Kendrick. Scarecrow, 1985.)

This place really might be a dream come true. Oh. My. Yes. If I moved to Brattleboro, I would become a citizen of Vermont. I’d be a Vermonter, and I wouldn’t have to keep waiting for my friends or benevolent groups or the governor himself to bestow honorary citizenship.

My Freeman research would keep me enchanted, just as it has for five decades. But I wonder. How long would the other creative rushes of Brattleboro continue to nourish me, especially during the heavy snows of winter?

Savannah, GA: I must confess. Of all the places that my Silly Notion keeps making me think about, Savannah seems to have the least charm. It’s not as if I don’t like the city. I do. I’ve stayed there on several occasions, once at the awesome Planter’s Inn, in the epicenter of Savannah’s historic district and just a stone’s throw from River Street and the Savannah River. Another time, I stayed in a gorgeous historic home facing Forsyth Square, an enchanting urban oasis adorned with centuries-old oaks, cobblestone paths, and a mesmerizing central fountain. Living there, I could explore each of its historic squares, enjoy its coastal charm, and feel a sense of timelessness.

As for finding a condo there, I just stumbled upon an extraordinary gem. Actually, it’s an absolute dream. How about a 3-bed, 2-bath waterfront unit with exposed brick, hardwood floors, and iron detailing. The real showstopper? It overlooks the majestic Savannah River! The open layout is bathed in natural light. But wait for it… the price tag? A cool 1.1 million! Gasp! I forgot to look at the price first.

Well, I need not wonder whether Savannah’s charm would see me through the long haul. It’s a certainty: I won’t be going there. Now, all that I have to do is make the Silly Notion in my head understand my decision.

Washington, DC (Capitol Hill): Capitol Hill is awesomely significant to me. After all, I lived there for a quarter of a century, working at The Library of Congress, in whose hallowed, marble halls I grew up and became a professional. It was at the Library of Congress that I got turned on to research and decided to pursue my Ph. D. in American Literature. After I earned the degree, I returned to the Library of Congress, where I enjoyed a glorious and life-changing career.

Even though I’ve been away from DC for about as long as I lived there, when I return for daytrips, nostalgia and belonging wash over me. Even after the passage of so many years, when I visit the iconic Eastern Market, many vendors still remember me, and I am reminded of the neighborhood’s small-town, vibrant community spirit. Living at the heart of a dynamic city, where history, culture, and politics converge always made each day an exciting journey for me, and I am sure it would do the same once more.

Wait! Wait! Here’s the clincher that might just make moving to DC a no-brainer. I’ve just uncovered a condo conveniently situated right across the street from the prestigious Hart Senate Office Building and various other Senate offices. Natural light pours through oversized, brand-new windows. The modern, white kitchen features granite countertops, a gas range, dishwasher, and microwave–perfect for whipping up my culinary masterpieces. The updated bathroom is a retreat with its soaking tub shower, a stylish vanity, and a generously sized window with lots of sunlight. The entire unit has been tastefully updated, freshly painted, and boasts new flooring throughout. But here’s the kicker: no full bedroom! Where in the world would I catch some Zs? Holy smokes! But it’s only $385,000. Trust me: I know how to bloom wherever I’m planted. I see an outlandishly elegant Murphy Bed in my future.

Without a doubt, DC is as close to home as I can ever hope to be. I know that living there again would stimulate me intellectually, culturally, and socially. But I wonder. Would all of its parks, the Botanical Gardens, the Tidal Basin. Rock Creek Parkway, and the National Zoo give me the soul food that I get here on my mountaintop oasis when I do my down-and-dirty gardening?

§   §   §

Well, let me say simply what Scarlet O’Hara would say:

“I can’t think about that today. I’ll have to think about that tomorrow.”

Right now, I have to think about other things. Clearly, I have some idyllic cities calling out my name. It’s equally clear that I’d be able to find a buyer for my mountaintop paradise.

But I’ve moved several times in the past, and I know what I have to do to prepare my home for the market. I realize that it will be a wild ride, so I need to start thinking and planning.

The Great Stuff Purge: I’ll start with the hardest part first. After all, I have kept everything forever. Now I wonder why. Who on earth cares about all of my canceled checks from the first one until I shifted to electronic banking? Who on earth cares about all of my tax returns going back to the first one heat I ever filed? Who on earth cares about all of the personal letters and cards that I have ever received? Those are only three categories of things that I’ve kept forever. I need to get rid of all that stuff. Then, I’ll tackle my loft, chock-full of Shenandoah Valley collectibles bought at auctions down through the years. OMG! I just had a marvelous idea. I acquired most of that stuff at Laughlin Brothers Auctions! I’ll sell it back to those guys. Then my loft will be empty, and I can convert it into a Zen-like meditation room. Dark hardwood floors. Light-colored walls. Wall-mounted light panels made of Himalayan salt. Meditation cushions. It will create a perfect ambiance, especially with an Anjali Namaste Mudra Buddhist Monk statue standing at top of the stairs bidding a prayerful welcome to the inner sanctum. What an asset that will be when the house hits the market. (I know. I’m brilliant. Thank you, for reminding me.)

The Deep Clean Extravaganza: This won’t be too bad because I’ve been deep cleaning since the Covid Pandemic started. I’m sure that you remember how “My Imaginary Guests” helped me keep my home spic-and-span clean. But I’ll arm myself once more with a mop, a feather duster, and a metaphorical superhero cape (purple, of course), and I’ll tackle dust bunnies and cobwebs with unmatched determination.

The Decor Remix: Honestly, I like my decor exactly as it is. It’s a perfect mix of antiques and modern–old and new. My guests always feel at home, so I imagine prospective buyers will, too.

The Garden Magic: I have been working diligently to restore my gardens into the pristine beds they once were. If I time everything just right, I can have the house ready for showing by mid-May 2024, when my peonies will be in bloom, ready to steal the heart of anyone who takes one look.

The “Fix It” Finale: Luckily, I fix things when they need to be fixed. Just yesterday, I had the plumber expertly snake my sluggish kitchen drain. It swirls around effortlessly and melodiously now. In a week or so, my new double wall ovens and my new stove top will be installed. I’ll probably go ahead and replace my inefficient electric water heater with a space-saving, more efficient, on-demand, gas water heater. The major fix-it, however, will be the road. Right before the house goes on the market, I’ll have crush-and-run put down so that prospective buyers will have a smooth ride up. I want the first one up to want to stay here forever!

Photoshoot Mania: I love to take photos, but I’ll need a professional photographer who can make my home and the spectacular surrounding views blush with flattering lighting and expert angles.

Baked Goods Invasion: Nothing makes a home smell better than freshly baked bread and pastries. I’ll be baking every day that my agent plans to show my home. I may even leave a gift basket of goodies on the kitchen table.

§   §   §

I believe that’s it, but bear with me while I give the above pre-sale preparations a quick review. I don’t know what you think, but I think I have laid out a wonderful and workable plan.

“Would you two just knock it off! I’m trying to think.”

I guess I had better explain. You know all about the Silly Notion that lives in my head. However, I haven’t told you about the Sensible Notion that also lives in my head. Usually, they coexist peacefully on opposite sides of my brain, but right now, they are having a major squabble. Geez! I can’t get any peace at all.

Silly Notion: Butt out. This is my brilliant idea, and you have absolutely no right whatsoever to show up now.

Sensible Notion: Of course, I do. Remember: I have exclusive life rights. All you have is a towering stack of eviction notices.

Silly Notion: Scoot over. I don’t want you encroaching on my side of his brain.

Sensible Notion: Well, excuse me. I’ll graciously give you all the space that you want. Fortunately, I don’t require much space. With just a smidgen, I’ll work my magic and make him forget your delightful silliness and return to his senses.

Have you ever heard such a racket in all your life? I can’t enjoy a moment’s silence even within the domain of my own brain. I think that I feel a headache coming on. Oh. No. I think it might be a migraine.

Whew. It was neither as bad nor as lingering as I initially feared. An apple cider vinegar cloth applied to the temple always works wonders.

As I reclined on my sofa, allowing the vinegar vapors to perform their enchanting alchemy, I suddenly had an epiphany. It was yet another option, perhaps even more dazzling—if such a thing be possible—than the ones that previously danced around in my head, demanding to go on stage right here in my blog!

Let me explain. I will charge ahead with The Great Stuff Purge, The Deep Clean Extravaganza, The Garden Magic, and The “Fix-It” Finale. When I get all of that done, my mountaintop oasis will be transformed into a pristine paradise, so incredibly paradisical that I wouldn’t dare entertain the thought of moving.

But wait, here’s the pièce de résistance. Since I won’t be moving, I won’t have to fork over a hefty commission to a real estate broker. Instead, I can squirrel away those substantial savings and treat myself to several weeks (or maybe even a full month) each year in my cherished duo of cities that will forever hold a special place in my heart: DC, and Brattleboro. Who knows? I might even sprinkle in some vacation time in Asheville, Charleston, and Savannah.

Who says I can’t have the best of both worlds? I certainly can. My plan lets me live in my luxurious and enchanting mountaintop world for most of the year and, for a month or two each year, I can savor the richness of my favorite metropolitan worlds. You bet. I had to do some hefty packin’ up and gettin’ ready, but I ain’t movin’ nowhere (at least, no time soon anyway).

The Teasing Sound of Silence

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“Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves together; that at length they may emerge, full-formed and majestic, into the delight of life, which they are thenceforth to rule.”

Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881; Scottish essayist, historian, and social commentator, known for his influential writings on history, society, and culture, especially his essays “Sartor Resartus” and “On Heroes, Hero-Worship, and the Heroic in History.”)

Shhhhh. Quiet, please. I need to talk. I’ve gone and gotten myself into a mell of a hess this time. Here I am writing about “silence” simply because I took the time to look at my draft posts, and I came across one rather stupidly titled “Silence.”

“Say what?” I screamed before turning my Smartphone face down on my bed to hide the odious text that I was reading on the screen. Screaming was perfect because it broke the silence. Well, you’d scream, too, if you detested silence as much as I do. It grates on my ears. I suffer noise far more readily than I suffer silence.

So here I lie in bed, working on a post whose essence I deplore. But write the damned post I must because I have started it, and I will finish it, ever mindful of what my parents told me over and over again, never giving me a moment’s silence:

If a job is once begun,
Never leave until it’s done.
Be its labor, great or small,
Do it well or not at all.

Well, I don’t know how well I’ll do it, but I will do my best to write my way out of this mess. Don’t worry. This will be a fast read: I, who knows nothing about silence, will be forced to speed things up when I start gathering my thoughts about silence because I have so few thoughts about the subject. You’ll reach the end sooner than you expect. When you do, listen carefully. I might burst forth with the Hallelujah Chorus. If I do, join me and we can make a joyful noise together.

Fortunately, I had captured enough notes that I recall what prompted me to start the idiotic draft in the first place.

My electricity went out. Unexpectedly. Silence washed over the afternoon soundscape of my domestic sanctuary. My refrigerator, the unsung hero of my kitchen, stopped serenading me with its constant hum. My ceiling fans ceased their purring and hushed their constant chatter about my secrets. My bedroom air conditioner no longer piped its melodious duet of “whoosh and hush.”

I wasn’t using my dishwasher, but if I had been, it would have stopped belting out its “splish-splash” just as I would have stopped chiming in with “I’m taking a bath,” both as if to wash away my culinary blues. I wasn’t using my washer and dryer either. But if I had been, they would have paused their spinning, tumbling symphony of cleanliness. As for my television, I have one that’s never on, but I can still faintly remember the mysterious hum of its digital dreams.

By now, you surely understand the sudden and imminent danger that surrounded me: all of my usual household sounds had been silenced.

All, thank God, save one. In the very moment of my most silent despair and in the hushed stillness of my living room, my grandfather clock came to life as the hour hand gracefully settled upon the number two. With a solemn, almost reverent demeanor, it stirred the silence with a deep, resonant chime. I had been rescued. The God of Noise had heard my silent prayer.

I sat there wondering how long I’d have to put up with this sorry state of near silence. I didn’t have to wonder long because it was 95 degrees outside, and my house was becoming unbearably hot inside. I decided to go outside and sit by my Koi Pond.

As I was walking out, I automatically turned off my kitchen lights. Silly me. I had forgotten that they weren’t on. Still, I could hear the tune of the see-saw switch. I’ll bet you didn’t know that light switches make noise. I didn’t either until Charlie Pluth released his “Light Switch.” If you don’t know that song, get to know it. As you listen, lean in and be super quiet. You’ll hear light switches being turned on and off. It’s awesome, so much so that Pluth documented the sounds on TikTok. Check it out for yourself and hear what I’m talking about.

After I turned off the lights that weren’t on, I stepped the few steps that I had to step to get from my kitchen to my Koi Pond. There I sat, poised in the pose of Rodin’s The Thinker, forever contemplating silence. I started thinking about how I could make the best of a bad situation even though it was a double-whammy combo of record-setting temps and deafening silence.

No problem. I decided that I would just sit there and think about everything that I had ever read or heard about silence. Immediately, I started crooning a poor rendition of Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Sound of Silence.”

Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

[…]

“Fools”, said I, “You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you”
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

I loved that song as a 1960’s young idealist. It reminded me of the consequences of remaining silent and complacent in the face of social issues. Despite my lackluster vocal talents, I sounded far better than I expected, and even if I didn’t, my singing broke the silence.

“What about silence in literature?”

“Excellent question. I was worried that no one would ask.”

I can think of many examples, and since you asked, I will share a few. For novels, I’ll start with Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Silence is personified by Captain Ahab’s obsession with the enigmatic white whale, and his monomaniacal pursuit of it creates an atmosphere of foreboding silence as the crew hesitates to speak openly about their fears.

Then we have one of my all-time favorite novels: The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger. I read it in high school. I had never heard the F-word. In my youthful innocence, I was surprised at encountering such explicit language in print. I didn’t hear the word, of course, since I was reading silently, but I still put my fingers in my ears so that I wouldn’t hear myself just in case I started reading out loud. Then I dog-eared that page for future ready reference. But I digress. Here’s my point. Poor Holden Caulfield’s inner silence is a prominent theme in the novel, as he often feels misunderstood and unable to express his emotions.

As you might expect, I thought of a third novel, too, while contemplating silence. It’s One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez. Silence in this magical realist masterpiece often signifies the unspeakable, as generations of the Buendía family grapple with their own secrets and tragedies, unable or unwilling to communicate their true feelings.

More novels came to mind, but for now, several plays are waiting in the wings, ready to make their grand entrance. Samuel Beckett’s Waiting for Godot enters first. I read that play in college. One passage often takes center stage in my mind, just as much now as it did then when I equated silence with existential waiting:

VLADIMIR: “What are we doing here, that is the question. And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in this immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Godot to come—”

Another play, also from my college days, remains a favorite today. Eugene O’Neill’s Long Day’s Journey into Night and its exploration of the haunting silence that follows years of conversation in the Tyrone family:

MARY: “You can’t imagine, can you, what that silence can mean after all these years of having someone talk to you every day and then suddenly stop, and yet that silence, still saying something but what you don’t know yet—”

For the third act, Lillian Hellman’s Children’s Hour came to mind. Silence is a central theme in the play as it grapples with the consequences of a malicious lie that silences the lives and reputations of the accused:

MARTHA: “I do not like the silence. I will go on talking until you answer me.”

More plays bubbled up in my mind, but those three will suffice, thereby allowing me to briefly mention one short story that yelled riotously for attention.

It’s not Melville’s “Bartleby, the Scrivener,” with Bartleby’s repetitive “I would prefer not to” showcasing the power of passive resistance and the silence of non-conformity. It could have been “The Lottery” by Shirley Jackson. The entire story screams of the eerie and unusual quietness of the townsfolk before the annual lottery. But it’s not.

Instead, it’s a story by Flannery O’Connor, “A Good Man Is Hard to Find.” The story’s climax, where the Misfit and the Grandmother engage in a fateful conversation in the woods, marks an ominous final silence.

As for the last literary genre embracing silence–poetry–I immediately thought of Amherst’s recluse, Emily Dickinson, and her famous quatrain etched in my mind forever. It seemed especially poignant, as I grappled with having been plunged unexpectedly into silence:

Silence is all we dread.
There’s Ransom in a Voice –
But Silence is Infinity.
Himself have not a face.

Needless to say, I can’t have a poetic reverie about silence without including a poem by Robert Frost. The one that popped into my head, first, is so appropriate for my home in the woods. It’s his “The Sound of Trees.” Listen as he teases in the first few lines:

I wonder about the trees.
Why do we wish to bear
Forever the noise of these
More than another noise
So close to our dwelling place?

[…]

They are that that talks of going
But never gets away;
And that talks no less for knowing,
As it grows wiser and older,
That now it means to stay.

The third poem that spoke to me in my silence was by Kay Ryan, one of the most powerful voices in today’s contemporary poetic soundscape. Her poem “Shark’s Teeth” suits me well because of the interplay between silence and noise that it explores.

Everything contains some
silence. Noise gets
its zest from the
small shark’s-tooth-
shaped fragments
of rest angled
in it. An hour
of city holds maybe
a minute of these
remnants of a time
when silence reigned,
compact and dangerous
as a shark. Sometimes
a bit of a tail
or fin can still
be sensed in parks.

The poem suggests that noise, in its relentless and pervasive presence, has taken over and devoured silence, leaving only small, sharp remnants. The poem evokes terror, not in a literal sense but rather in the metaphorical notion that silence, once a prevailing and powerful force, has been reduced to fragments and is now as elusive, scarce, and sharp as shark’s teeth.

Ironically, as I sat in the stillness of a torridly hot afternoon contemplating various literary nuances of silence, a single drop of water fell from the lower most rock of the Koi Pond waterfalls that had stopped cascading. It landed with a delicate and shimmering grace, creating a mesmerizing ripple on the pond’s still surface. The concentric circles expanded, radiating outward like echoes, breaking the silence, and bringing me out of my reverie.

In that instant, I realized that I had tapped into a powerful and personal paradox. I found myself both repelled and intrigued by the multi-faceted nature of silence.

Silence may grate on my ears, but I came to realize that it can be a space for reflection, contemplation, and understanding. Just as a great poem or short story or play or novel holds within it the power of silence, so, too, does our everyday existence. Maybe–just maybe–it is in the pauses between our words, the stillness before our actions, and the quiet moments of our introspection that we can truly have glimpses into the essence of life.

A Eulogistic Tribute to Alderson-Broaddus University

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Legacy is not leaving something for people.
It’s leaving something in people. 

–Peter Strople (b. 1958. motivational speaker, author, and entrepreneur.

Sometimes, significant historical moments are not known, valued, and understood until time has passed, and future generations look back, reflect, and measure.

Consider, for example, the founding of Massachusetts Bay Colony (1630). More specifically, think about April 8, 1630, when 140 or so Puritans left England on the Arbella, the flagship of the fleet led by John Winthrop, as they sailed away to the New World, seeking religious freedom and hoping for a new life. To be certain, they sailed forth with a clear mission: to establish a colony within the area of New England, “being in the bottom of a certain bay there, commonly called Massachusetts, alias Massachusetts Bay.”

To their chartered mission, Winthrop added a much-needed vision, articulated with great clarity in his sermon, “A Model of Christian Charity,” delivered to the ship’s passengers. In his sermon, he emphasized the principles of Christian charity as well as the importance of unity, selflessness, and community in their endeavor. One passage from the sermon is quoted often:

“The Lord will be our God, and delight to dwell among us, as his own people, and will command a blessing upon us in all our ways. So that we shall see much more of his wisdom, power, goodness and truth, than formerly we have been acquainted with. We shall find that the God of Israel is among us, when ten of us shall be able to resist a thousand of our enemies; when he shall make us a praise and glory that men shall say of succeeding plantations, ‘the Lord make it likely that of New England.’ For we must consider that we shall be as a city upon a hill.” [bold emphasis supplied]

Today, as I look back upon the voyage of those early pioneers and Winthrop’s powerful vision, I am impressed by a profound symbol: “a city upon a hill,” a beacon of hope and light.

Today, in my mind’s eye, I turn my gaze to a different “city upon on a hill,” one that will always stand as a testament to the enduring pursuit of knowledge, character, and community. The city is in West Virginia. There on a hilltop, above the Tygart River and above the town of Philippi–I see Alderson-Broaddus University, whose spirit and pride are commemorated in song:

Far above the winding Tygart
With its banks of green
Stands our noble Alma Mater
Fairest ever seen.

Swell the chorus!
Let it echo
Over hill and dale;
Hail to thee, our Alma Mater,
Alderson-Broaddus, hail.

In our home among the mountains,
With our little town
May we ne’er forget the memories
That still gather ‘round.

Swell the chorus!
Let it echo
Over hill and dale;
Hail to thee, our Alma Mater,
Alderson-Broaddus, hail.

Alderson-Broaddus–a shining “city upon a hill”–boasts a rich Christian heritage cherished by generations of students, faculty, and staff.

Initially, however, it was not located upon a hill. It traces its roots back to 1871 when Reverend Edward J. Willis, a Baptist minister, founded Winchester Female Institute in Winchester, VA. In 1875, the institution was renamed Broaddus Female College in honor of Reverend William F. Broaddus. In the following year, it relocated to Clarksburg, West Virginia.

In 1893, the institution embraced co-education and underwent another name change, becoming Broaddus Scientific and Classical Institute. In 1909, it moved once more, this time to Philippi. Other changes followed. Notably, in 1917, college-level classes were introduced, leading to a new name: Broaddus College and Academy. By 1926, the institution had expanded its offerings to include four-year degree programs. Following the challenges of the Great Depression, the Baptist Conference (sponsor of both Broaddus College and Alderson-Junior College in Alderson, WV) made a significant decision to merge the two institutions in 1932, giving rise to Alderson-Broaddus College.

Just as Massachusetts Bay Colony was a “city upon a hill” to Colonial Americans and their families who remained behind in England, so, too, Alderson-Broaddus College was the college on a hill, a beacon of light and hope to all of its students and their families from all over the United States and, eventually, from countries all around the world.

It became a beacon of hope and light for me in 1965 when I was a senior in high school, beginning my college search. I applied to the University of Richmond and to Marshall University (my first choices), as well as to Alderson-Broaddus College (my fallback choice). Ironically, Alderson-Broaddus offered me a scholarship package too attractive to resist, though I tried my best to do so. As if to convince myself that I would not pursue my education at my third choice, I decided to prove the point to myself by making a college visit.

I will always remember that summer day when we drove on campus and I caught a glimpse of Old Main, the college’s iconic, landmark building, constructed in 1909 as a four-story building with two wings. It was built of locally fired brick over locally quarried stone, paid for with monies raised by the citizens of Philippi.

I stood there on the hilltop plateau–in front of two canons on the site that marked the first land battle of the Civil War–looking below to the winding Tygart River spanned by a covered bridge and looking beyond the river to the little town of Philippi, seat of Barbour County.

As I stood there, beneath the expansive sky and surrounded by the serene beauty of the campus, a profound sense of peace and belonging washed over me. In that timeless moment, as the sun cast a warm glow upon the college upon a hill, I felt an undeniable connection. It was as if the very essence of the place whispered to my soul, assuring me that I had found my home.

Indeed, it was my home from the fall of 1965 until the fall of 1969 when I graduated cum laude with a Bachelor of Arts Degree, with a major in the Humanities and a concentration in English Literature. Just now, I nostalgically opened an envelope containing a copy of my transcript, released to me in February 1983. I had forgotten that I earned 125 semester-hour credits with a GPA of 3.48. I had forgotten that I passed my Comprehensive Examination with distinction. As I folded the transcript and returned it to its cacheted envelope, I noticed to the left of the postmark an affirmation (stamped in red, just as the words of Christ are printed in red-letter editions of the Bible) that captures with great power and brevity the guiding principle of Alderson-Broaddus:

A CHRISTIAN COLLEGE EXPERIENCE IS NOT EXPENSIVE–It Is Priceless!

I knew during my four years as a student at Alderson-Broaddus that I was being molded and shaped into the person that I was becoming. The transformation was taking place in every aspect of my being: intellectually, spiritually, socially, physically, psychologically, and even existentially.

Looking back–especially as an educator–I smile, saying to myself: “Of course. An education always transforms lives. Of course. At the heart of Alderson-Broaddus College were its faculty, administrators, staff, and students–always exemplifying the highest level of excellence.”

Looking at my freshman yearbook, The Battler, I see anew that the lives we lived on the Alderson-Broaddus campus were rich, robust, and celebratory. The “Foreword” touches my heart even today:

The spirit of A-B is many things–the beauty of our hilltop, the warmth of friendship among students and faculty, the tradition of Homecoming and May Weekends, the sportsmanship of athletic activities. But most of all, the spirit of Alderson-Broaddus is people, those of us who live and work and strive to reach the tomorrows of which we dream.

As I journey through the pages, pausing to look at all the photographs, memories come back as vividly and as alive as if I were reliving them now, all over again.

● Organizations. Student Government. Student Union Board. Men’s and Women’s Dorm Councils. Columns (newspaper) Staff. Battler Staff. WCAB (radio) Staff. Student Education Association. Student Religious Education Association (SREA). Kappa Delta Chi (KDX). Alpha Beta Nu (ABU). ZAG. Choir. Management Club. International Club. Megaphone Club. SMENC.

● Homecoming Weekend with the queen and her court as well as the student production of Jean Anouilh’s Antigone. Pageantry and parades and prizes.

● Faculty, Administration, and Resident Directors, all of whom I knew, several of whom mentored me as a Work-Study Student and as a Resident Hall Counselor, most of whom I had the privilege to study under in various divisions: Humanities, Business and Professional Studies, Natural Science, and Social Sciences.

● Students, by Class. Seniors. Juniors. Sophomores. Freshmen. So many of them, my friends, so close and so personal that they seemed like my very own brothers and sisters. Tucked in amongst the pages, an 8 x 11 glossy photo of me as a freshman standing proudly with my 32 fraternity brothers and our advisor, all of us wearing jackets and ties. We look as spiffy and smart now as I thought we did then.

● Sororities, Fraternities, and Clubs. Alpha Omega Delta. Chi Sigma Nu. Phi Kappa Delta. Epsilon Tau Eta Sigma. Lambda Omega Mu. Sigma Delta Nu. Circle K. Circle Ketts.

● Sports. Varsity Coaching Staff. Soccer. I-M Football. Basketball. Wrestling. Baseball. Softball. Ping-Pong.

● Activities. Freshman Week with Hazing, Capping, Talent Show, and Kangaroo Court. Sadie Hawkins Day. Crowning Miss Battler. Valentine Dance. Student production of The Fantasticks. SMENC sponsored Arts Series, featuring acclaimed pianist Bonnie Joenck, the Ballet Chafee Company, and The Bishop Players performing St. Joan. Christian Emphasis Week. May Day Royalty. Student production of Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest. Honors Convocation. Junior-Senior Banquet at Blackwater Falls. Senior Seminar. Alumni Banquet.

Aside from all of those yearbook highlights, something else looms in my mind larger than a giant. At the end of my first semester, I was waiting for the bus to take me back home. I had worked incredibly hard all semester, but deep down inside, I was feeling that perhaps I would not become the first in my family to go to college after all. I just wasn’t certain that I was college material. I had worked especially hard in my Honors English class, but I was even uneasy about its outcome. How’s that for a guy whose dream since the third grade had been to become an English professor? My honors English professor was well aware of my angst. As I waited for the bus, she drove by in her station wagon and stopped fast when she saw me there. She hopped out, gave me a hug, and told me that I had earned an “A” in the class. She did not care at all that she had been cleaning house and that she was at her disheveled worst. Her only concern was to share the good news with a more-than-anxious student. Little did she know—though, afterwards I made a point of telling her—that when she stopped that day to share the good news, she kept me (the son of a West Virginia coal miner and his wife, a fundamentalist preacher) from becoming a college dropout.

Several other moments loom large in my memory, too. Aside from the strengths of its academics and activities, Alderson-Broaddus required two off-campus experiences. I had the option of studying in Austria or in Mexico, but I chose to take another path by pursuing two internships, both in Washington, DC. I had never lived in a city before, and I was convinced that our Nation’s capital was calling me. My first internship was with the late Senator Robert F. Byrd (West Virginia). The second was in the Division of Two-Year Colleges at the former Department of Health, Education, and Welfare. As that internship came to an end, my supervisor suggested that the Library of Congress might be the perfect place for me to work as an editor. He was the one who nudged me to Capitol Hill to submit an employment application. Without his influence and without Senator Byrd’s recommendation, I would never have enjoyed my twenty-five-year career at the world’s premier research library.

After that career, I finally became the Professor of English that I had always wanted to be, teaching for twenty-three years at Laurel Ridge Community College (formerly Lord Fairfax Community College) in Middletown, VA. My Ph.D. in American Literature gave me the necessary in-depth subject matter knowledge. Equally important, however, I tapped into a golden nugget that I had mined as an undergraduate at Alderson-Broaddus. It was something that I remembered from Gilbert Highet’s The Art of Teaching, a book that I read in one of my education classes:

Know your subject; Love your subject.

Know your students; Love your students.

Those lines became the cornerstone of my teaching philosophy. The approach is a simple one, but it is honest and sincere, and my students respond affirmatively. It’s an approach that I owe to Highet specifically but to Alderson-Broaddus generally because of what I saw in the faculty there. In them, I saw traits that I believed effective educators should embody. They were student-centered and celebrated student successes. They were passionate about their disciplines. They never hesitated to be academically rigorous and to raise the bar high. They were effective communicators and listeners. I came to realize ultimately that although they might not have talked about Highet, they had impressed me because of their knowledge and love, of subject and student. I wanted to be like them. It is little wonder that Highet struck a chord in me.

Clearly, Alderson-Broaddus was a major influence in my life. Clearly, I am grateful for my four years being a part of that “city upon a hill,” my beacon of hope and light.

I take great pride in sharing my story of how Alderson-Broaddus touched me, transformed me, and helped make me who I am today. At the same time, I am joyed in knowing that similar stories could be told by every student who had the privilege of studying there, by every student who went forth and pursued their own careers in their own respective walks of life, by every student who went forth into their corner of the world, prepared and poised to be change agents in others’ lives.

Alderson-Broaddus’ impact is so profound and so far reaching that when the university officially announced its closing, effective Friday, September 1, 2023, because it lacked sufficient income to remain open any longer, I wept not.

Without a doubt, a long and heavy sadness fell upon me. But it was washed away as I recalled my four years at my alma mater, my “city upon a hill,” far above the winding Tygart. It was washed away as I reflected on generations of lives changed because they chose Alderson-Broaddus. It was washed away as I reflected on all the dedicated faculty, administrators, and staff who served selfishly, tirelessly, and with commitment.

Alderson-Broaddus has closed its doors, and its history has come to an end. However, the legacy of transformation, knowledge, and unwavering commitment to excellence will live on in the hearts and minds of every student who had the privilege of studying there. The city upon a hill has dimmed its lights, but its beacon of hope will forever shine in the countless lives it has touched and the countless futures it has shaped.

Circling Back (Again, Again, and Again)

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“I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means.”

–Joan Didion (1934-2021; renowned American Essayist and novelist whose distinctive writing style and introspective approach earned her a lasting place in contemporary literature).

Maintaining friendships can be a delicate dance, and I’ve learned that silence is golden when it comes to my own writing. My friends–especially those who are writers–know that I abide by Robert Frost’s sage counsel:

“Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second ” (Letter to Sydney Cox, 3January 1937; quoted in Robert Frost and Sidney Cox: Forty Years of Friendship. By William Richard Evans. 1981).

Rarely, then, do I talk with friends about what I’m writing in my weekly blog posts. Talking about it diminishes my focus and my belief. Oh, to be certain, I may tease by divulging a topic or a working title. I love teasing. I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again right now by telling you the working titles of some future posts:

● “What My Father Saw.”

● “Packin’ Up. Gettin’ Ready to Go.”

● “My Right to Know.”

● “Somewhere Called Home.”

● “What If Artificial Intelligence (AI) Makes Us Even Better than We Are?”

● “Grappling with Unknowns.”

● “The Cake Stops Here.”

● “When Did Tomorrow Begin?”

See there. I didn’t mind sharing those titles at all. Like I said, I’m a tease.

Truth be told, though, that’s all that I can share in advance because I’m clueless as to how those tentative titles will play out. I never know the end of a post until it leads me to its ending.

Clearly, I am not one of those writers–of whom there are many–who align themselves with Edgar Allan Poe. I’m thinking now about his focus on “unity of effect” and that a writer must know the intended effect from the beginning:

[…] in almost all classes of composition, the unity of effect or impression is a point of the greatest importance. […] If his very initial sentence tend not to the outbringing of this effect, then he has failed in his first step. In the whole composition there should be no word written, of which the tendency, direct or indirect, is not to the one pre-established design (Poe’s review of Hawthorne’s Twice-Told Tales, Graham’s Magazine, May 1842).

A few years later, he reiterated that point:

Nothing is more clear than that every plot, worth the name, must be elaborated to its dénouement before anything be attempted with the pen. It is only with the dénouement constantly in view that we can give a plot its indispensable air of consequence, or causation, by making the incidents, and especially the tone at all points, tend to the development of the intention (“The Philosophy of Composition,” Graham’s American Monthly Magazine, April 1846).

Poe’s way of writing is not my way of writing.  Mine is just the opposite. Mine is the Frostian way:

Like a piece of ice on a hot stove the poem must ride on its own melting. A poem may be worked over once it is in being, but may not be worried into being. Its most precious quality will remain its having run itself and carried away the poet with it (“The Figure a Poem Makes,” Atlantic Monthly, June 1939).

I am not trying to compare my writing to Frost or to Poe. Yet, as a writer, I have every right to align my methods with someone. I choose Frost for alignment, and I choose Frost for ally.

Like Frost, I am unwilling to talk about the content of what I am writing: opening the hydrant [talking] lessens the pressure on the upstairs faucet [writing]. At the same time, I am more than willing to talk about my writing methods: melting like a piece of ice on a hot stove, carrying me away with it.

Actually, I have talked about my writing process extensively in several blog posts. I’m tempted to suggest that you browse my posts and find them for yourself. But that would be mean spirited. So let me recap the main points here.

1. I write my posts in bed–every day, seven days a week–starting at 8:00 pm and continuing until I decide to stop, usually around 9:30 pm or so. Sometimes, I ignore my body’s call for rest, and I write until 11:00 pm. I don’t think that I’ve ever written past 11:30 pm. (However, I do recall writing until 12:30 am once, just to prove to a friend that I could stay up that late.)

2. I write my blog posts exclusively on my smartphone. Yes. On my smartphone. I hold it in my left hand (as I am doing now), and I touch type my text, letter by letter, with the index finger of my right hand (as I am doing now). I know: it’s slow. I know: it’s tedious. But guess what? It works.

3. I write my blog posts while sipping on a Bunnahabhain Scotch, neat.

4. I have a large number of drafts in progress at any given time: everything that I experience is copy. Right now, for example, I have 29 drafts in various stages of development.

5. Whenever I have an idea and start a draft, I develop it enough so that I can leap back into the idea whenever I return to it, even if it’s weeks or months after the idea leapt into my head.

6. Usually, one draft among all the others calls to me and demands my attention. I listen. I focus on it for seven nights, hanging on tight and never letting go.

7. On Sunday of each week–the day before publishing a post–I read it out loud by telephone to my oldest sister, Audrey. Reading it aloud gives me the opportunity to find any remaining mistakes. (Inevitably, I still miss a few.) More importantly, however, it gives me the opportunity to hear the rhythm, and if I have an off-key passage, my ear speaks to me. Sometimes, I pick up on a rhythm, and I decide to play it more fully in one final revision before going to bed. But here’s the important thing: it’s the hearing aloud–what Frost would call the “sound of sense–that allows me to know my degree of accomplishment.

Those are the main steps that I follow in writing my posts.

Recently, however, I noticed a recurring practice that I’ve been unintentionally following. Let me share it with you.

As I open a draft, I revisit the beginning instead of scrolling down to where I left off the night before. This practice offers a fresh perspective on my words and ideas.

I circle back to the beginning, I start from there, and the Frostian melt starts anew.

As I circle back, I take my time. I savor every word. I savor every nuance. I savor all the possibilities, including the white space between words where so many meanings live–and hide. And, as I circle back, I change whatever it is that calls to be changed.

To be sure, circling back flies in the face of the process that I and other English professors are hell-bent on teaching our students. Generally, we teach a straightforward, linear process without much room for deviation, except for an occasional reminder that writing can be recursive, especially when we need to do additional research to strengthen content. The process that we teach goes something like this:

First. Prewriting (Topic, Audience, Brainstorming, Research, Thesis, and Outlining).

Second. Drafting (Creating an initial version).

Third. Revising (Reconsidering content and context).

Fourth. Editing (Looking at grammar and mechanics).

Fifth. Proofreading (Taking a final look to discover mistakes, including formatting).

Undoubtedly, the 5-step method works, especially for beginning writers who often have no method.

It works for seasoned writers, too, but as we gain more and more writing experience, we follow that method subconsciously. For example, even though I write my posts in bed, I’m well aware that whatever I’m working on is simmering on my writer’s back burner throughout the day and throughout the night as I sleep. My ideas and insights come unexpectedly and without invitation.

For me, then, as a writer–especially a writer of Creative Nonfiction Essays like my blog posts–I’m tapping into the tried and tested steps of the writing process, but I’m really unaware that I’m doing so.

Yet, I am exceedingly aware of my circling back, and I find that keen awareness fascinating. It’s a conscious choice that I make every night when I open my WordPress draft to pick up where I left off. The starting point is always same: I circle back to the beginning. Most nights, I spend half of my writing time revisiting, rethinking, and modifying what I’ve written already.

I’m not suggesting that the “circling back” part of my writing strategy is revolutionary or unique. Perhaps lots of writers circle back in like manner.

What I am suggesting, however, is this: Circling back becomes a dance of words, a waltz with sentences that have already found their footing. It’s a writer’s serenade to their own creation, a harmonious echo of ideas that resonates and refines. Circling back is an invitation to linger in the labyrinth of language, to savor the richness of thinking, and to let the journey unfold in its own enchanting way. In the quiet act of returning to the starting point, I find my path illuminated by the wisdom of Frost and by the freedom of my narrative.

Lifted Up When I Am Down: The Power of Paradox in Gospel Music.

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“Gospel music is nothing but singing of good tidings — spreading the good news. It will last as long as any music because it is sung straight from the human heart.”

–Mahalia Jackson (1911-1972; widely considered the most influential voice in twentieth century Gospel music.)

I fell in love with words when I was four years old or thereabouts, listening to my mother preach. Magical things seemed to happen in that little coal camp church. It was not uncommon for one or more women in the congregation to get slain in the Holy Spirit. They would jump up on the back of a wooden pew–not nailed to the floor, by the way–and then hop to the back of the next pew, continuing pew by pew until they reached the pew in front. Still standing on the back of the pew, they would pirouette gracefully and continue their pew-hopping journey to the last pew in the back. They were called pew-hoppers.

At that tender age, I did not understand fully what was happening, but the halleluiahs and the weeping and the speaking in Unknown Tongues always seemed to be filled inexplicably with an abundance of joy and with an equal abundance of mystery. I was certain that whatever was happening was because of the words coming from my mother’s mouth.

I became convinced that words had power. I became convinced that words changed lives. And so it was that my love affair with words began right there in that little Pilgrim Holiness Church.

It was strengthened through the Gospel hymns that we sang. One of the earliest that I remember is “I’ll Fly Away,” especially the chorus:

I’ll fly away, Oh Glory
I’ll fly away; (in the
Morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away).

I loved the song’s uplifting melody and rhythm, but I could not comprehend the song’s depth. In fact, it perplexed my four-year old mind. I knew the concreteness of death, but I knew not the abstraction of its sting. I had seen death once when I walked up the road to buy some candy from Mrs. Cory, a Black woman who had a little building, hardly bigger than a closet, where she sold candy and soft drinks. As I walked across the wide-planked bridge spanning the creek, I looked on up the knoll past her store toward her house. An ambulance was there, and men were carrying a large-framed Black man on a stretcher. He was covered with a sheet, but he was so tall that his feet were showing. In my innocence and curiosity, I walked over and touched his soles, knowing neither fear nor apprehension. I have never forgotten their softness and their tan whiteness. It was my first encounter with death.

Little wonder, then, that I was perplexed when we sang “I’ll Fly Away.” I had seen a dead man who could not move, and I could not for the life of me figure out how he could fly.

Even without understanding, I liked the song’s happy, handclapping rhythm. More, the song got me to thinking, and it kept me thinking. It didn’t matter that I had no answers.

Other songs confounded me, too. Most of them were songs that the Black congregation sang in their church. Their services, lasting for hours, were filled with lots and lots of singing. After we finished our service, I’d go sit on the steep rocky bank high above their church, enjoying the powerful, thunderous singing of choir and congregation.

It was on that bank that I heard them singing “Jesus Gave Me Water.” As I swayed to the song’s rhythm, I was perplexed by lines repeated over and over again:

Jesus gave me water,
Jesus gave me water,
Jesus gave me water,
And it was not in the well.

We had a well at home, so I knew all about drawing water from the well. I had done it myself. But if Jesus gave water and it was not in the well, where did it come from? What was its source?

Once again, I did not understand. And, once again, it did not matter that I did not understand. The song had a soothing, comfortable melody, and it gave me something to think about long after the singing ended, long after the church windows lowered, long after the entrance doors closed, and long after I rose up from the bank to retrace my steps back home.

As I grew older and my intellectual abilities developed and my life experiences expanded, I gradually understood and appreciated the deeper meanings of the songs that we sang. I came to realize that “Jesus Gave Me Water” is about finding spiritual nourishment and fulfillment through faith in Jesus. I came to realize that “I’ll Fly Away” expresses the belief that one day we will leave earthly challenges and struggles behind when we enter a better place, presumably heaven, filled with eternal peace and joy.

Over time, I came to grow into a heightened awareness of all the nuances of language–imagery and metaphor and paradox and symbolism–that had tugged at my heart and soul through my mother’s preaching and through Gospel singing when I was but a boy of four, too young to understand but not too young to be drawn to the power.

Over time, I came to grow into a heightened awareness of the power of paradoxes that make up the grand tapestry of human existence.

Paradoxes–those statements, situations, or concepts that seem contradictory yet reveal unexpected underlying truths, like the ones that I witnessed in “I’ll Fly Away” and “Jesus Gave Me Water”–appeal to us because they invite us to go beyond surface assumptions and to think deeply. They:

● help us see the nuances of the human experience fraught with emotions and connections that define our lives;

● challenge us to reflect on philosophical matters such as time, existence, truth, and identity; and

● foster rich and robust conversations because they are open to interpretation.

In the Gospel music tradition, paradoxes are as important as they are in their corresponding scriptural passages from the Bible. They:

● invite us to explore the mysteries of faith and spirituality;

● help us find joy in sorrow, strength in weakness, and power in surrender; and

● pump energy into our souls and lift our spirits.

They leave us with memorable and poetic lines that are silently humming deep in our psyche, bursting forth in song sometimes when we least expect them to burst forth, just as “Never Grow Old” did this morning when I awakened to the fresh vitality of a brand-new day:

I have heard of a land
On the far away strand.
‘T is beautiful home of the soul.
Built by Jesus on high,
There we never shall die.
‘T is the land where we’ll never grow old.

I didn’t go looking for “Never Grow Old.” It came looking for me the same way that “He Saw It All (The Blind Man Song)” found its way to me shortly thereafter, a song celebrating the story that a worker heard when he stopped a young man and asked why he was running through town:

I was trying to catch the crippled man.
Did he run past this way?
He was rushing home to tell everyone
What Jesus did today.
And the mute man was telling myself
And the deaf girl he’s leaving to
Answer God’s call.
It’s hard to believe but if you don’t trust me,
Ask the blind man he saw it all.
Ask the blind man he saw it all.

There we have it: one simple stanza from a Gospel song, packed with four monumental paradoxes. It matters not whether we can walk the crosswalk from the paradoxes to the Biblical accounts of Jesus’s miracles, four among many. The paradoxes stand on their own just as they are, and they provide us with a PAUSE BUTTON FOR THE SOUL, beckoning us to be silent and to reflect.

I’ve been cradled in the comforting snares of Gospel songs for more than seven decades. These days, their number is so vast that counting them seems an impossible feat. Nestled within my own dedicated Gospel playlist, they multiply day by day. While pedaling indoors on my bike or journeying through the hours, their melodies shuffle like soothing whispers to my soul. The paradoxes woven into these songs sometimes align me in unwavering belief, and, at other times, they leave me in a corner, wondering and doubting. Yet, always, they provide a wellspring of spiritual convictions from which I can draw. Through every note, they offer solace, always lifting my spirits higher and higher.

My Mother’s Dress

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“The art of mothering is teaching the art of living to children.” 

–Elaine Heffner (Private-practice psychotherapist and parent educator.)

My mother loved clothes. Her wardrobe of dresses was small, but they were always fine quality.

One dress stood out from all the rest, not because it was the finest but rather because it was the plainest.

It was a dress that my mother made. An excellent seamstress, she made clothes for all of us–including dress shirts for my dad–without ever using a pattern.

So it was with this dress. She created it without a pattern. It was a straight cut, knee-length, short-sleeved, shirtwaist dress with large brown buttons going down from the Peter Pan collar to the buckled belt made of matching fabric. It was perfect for my 45-year-old mother, thin-framed and erect.

Obviously, since she made the dress herself, she would have selected the fabric, too, and she would have ordered it from Sears Roebuck Catalog.

The fabric was cotton percale. The background color was a soft tan. But what I remember most about my mother’s dress was the pattern. The word “if” was stamped all over the fabric–just as it is printed here: both letters, lowercase and bold. The word was diagonally positioned no more than an inch or so apart. From afar, the ifs looked like little flags of color ranging from midnight black to deep brown to burnt red to marigold orange to olive green. Up close, though, it was an explosion of ifs.

I was fascinated by my mother’s dress. As a 10-year-old child who loved words, it was fun to gaze upon. I am still fascinated by my mother’s dress. As a 75-year-old man who loves words, it’s still fun to reflect upon.

I wonder now, more than I did then, why she picked a fabric with that pattern. What might the if’s have been that she dwelt upon?

If she had ifs in her mind–and she surely did–she never voiced them.

Some ifs, of course, are anchored to regrets. I’m thinking of all the if onlys that shadow our lives and tarnish our joys. Without doubt, my mother had regrets, but she would never have dignified them by letting them parade around publicly in brightly colored ifs on one of her dresses.

Other ifs are anchored to fears. I’m thinking of all the what ifs that keep us from moving forward because we don’t know what the consequences of our actions will be. Without doubt, my mother had her own share of fears, but by the age of 45, she realized that whatever was to come could no more overwhelm her than what she had overcome already.

Other ifs are programmed to a gazillion if-then thoughts, hard-wired to our daily lives. Without a doubt, my mother had those too, as she processed her own binary language code, whirring around cooking and cleaning, saving money to make ends meet, teaching her children strong religious values, and building healthy relationships with neighbors.

While all of those various if-scenarios no doubt played out their little dramas on the backstage of my mother’s mind, I imagine that she chose that particular pattern for other reasons as well.

I imagine that my mother’s dress was just a simple and playful testament to her own vivid imagination and creative spirit.

I imagine that my mother’s dress heralded, in an understated way, her unique sense of style and her boldness of expressing herself in unconventional, homespun ways.

I imagine that my mother’s dress reflected her engagement not only with the significant changes of the 1950s–a decade known for its affluence and alienation–but also with the major adjustments my family had to make in the new town where we had moved two years before she made her dress.

I imagine that my mother’s dress manifested her willingness to embrace uncertainty and to grapple with potential choices.

I imagine that my mother’s dress may have been inspired by Rudyard Kipling’s “If–“, the poem that I memorized in school that year and, with my mother’s encouragement, recited aloud at home over and over again.

But far greater than any of those imaginings is this one. I imagine that every time my mother put on her dress, imprinted with what seemed to me to be all the ifs in the world, she wore it with a palpable awareness that her hopes, her visions, her aspirations, and her dreams would impact positively both her family and her world.

Reflections on Reinvention

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“No one can see their reflection in running water. It is only in still water that we can see.”

—Taoist proverb

The extraordinary connection between self-reflection and performance is well-known and well-documented. For example, in their Harvard Business Review article “Don’t Underestimate the Power of Self-Reflection,” James R. Bailey and Scheherazade Rehman show that the “habit of reflection can separate extraordinary professionals from mediocre ones. We would go so far as to argue that it’s the foundation that all other soft skills grow from.”

Luckily for me, I’ve been doing self-reflection since early childhood. At dinner, as we all sat around the kitchen table, we had a regular ritual. Everyone reflected on their day. We turned our dinner-table sharings into dinner-table learning moments. Each of us reflected on–and talked about–what had happened during the day and what impact it had on us. 

My dad’s coal-mining reflections always impressed me the most. His pay was based on how many coal cars he loaded each day, shovel by shovel, working in seams of coal sometimes no higher than 40 inches. He and his fellow coal miners shoveled coal while lying on their backs or kneeling on their knees. Generally, my dad was pleased by what he accomplished–he actually enjoyed being a coal miner. But since his pay and his family’s livelihood depended on how many coal cars he loaded, he would strategize what he might do to load one more car the next day. It was a succession of what-ifs. The next day, he’d let us know whether his strategy had worked.

Looking back, I realize that day after day, my dad was measuring his performance against his plan. Looking back, I realize that we were all doing the same thing as we gathered around our kitchen table and shared thoughtful, deliberate, and sometimes courageous self-reflections.

● Self-reflection.

● Measuring performance against plan.

I have always done that, willingly and enthusiastically throughout my careers. During the years that I taught at Laurel Ridge Community College (formerly Lord Fairfax Community College; 1999-2022), I spent the better part of December standing still, reflecting on my year of teaching that had just ended. I turned my self-reflections into my annual self-evaluation, complete with supporting documentation. Generally, those self-evaluations were longer than 150 pages, covering accomplishments as well as areas that I wanted to work on and explore during the next year. They meant so much to me that I had them bound in leather. Most of the time, those self-evaluations weren’t required, and even when they were, the requirement was never as great as the distance that I went. It was my ongoing way of ensuring that I measured my performance against my plan.

In January of this year, I started reinventing myself. Now, with seven months behind me, I’m standing still long enough to reflect and to share my self-reflections with you.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS

1. Book Publications

I am really proud that I’ve had two books published since January. One was published in April: In Bed: My Year of Foolin’ Around.

The second, a scholarly work, was published in May: Green Mountain Stories. Mary E. Wilkins Freeman. Introduction and Critical Commentary by Brent L. Kendrick.

Obviously, I had been working on both books long before I started my reinvention. Books don’t spring into existence overnight. At the same time, seeing two books through the publication process brought me great joy.

On reflection, however, I wish that I had allowed more time between the two books. I had to do far more heavy lifting, getting them published than I ever expected. I don’t think that I will ever again have two books in the publication hopper at the same time.

2. Book Launches

Without a blush of shame, I did my own launch of In Bed: My Year of Foolin’ Around. I did it right here in my blog, in my May 8 post: Just Published. In Bed: My Year of Foolin’ Around.

The next week, I cast shame aside once again and promoted my Green Mountain Stories: My Forthcoming Book Will Anchor Mary E. Wilkins Freeman to Vermont, Now and Forever.

Fortunately, Green Mountain Stories had two launches sponsored by other people. The first was by the book’s publisher, Onion River Press: Brent Kendrick. Book Launch Celebration. The second book launch took place in Brattleboro, Vermont, where Freeman began her acclaimed literary career: Green Mountain Stories. Live at the Library.

3. Library Presentation

On Sunday, July 9, I was the guest speaker at the New Market Area Library (New Market, VA). My topic? Reinvention and my own attempts to begin new “chapters” in my life. 

I targeted my presentation toward anyone considering a new beginning, aspiring writers, and lovers of short stories.

CHALLENGES

1. Giving Myself Permission to Chill.

I have an incredibly strong work ethic, which has always kept me hard at work doing something. It brings me great joy.

Even though I have set up my own work schedule, I have discovered that I have more time now to just chill. I’m not talking about meditation. I’ve done that forever. I’m talking about curling up with a book for the entire day. I did just that last week when I re-read (for the fifth time) George Saunders’ Lincoln in the Bardo. It was a luxurious experience, but from time to time, I had to chase away the thought that I should be up and about doing something.

It will take me some time, but I’m working on chilling.

2. Reassessing My Structure.

This challenge is related closely to my first one. I’m a laid-back, go-with-the-flow guy. Right? Well, I am. However, I like my days to be structured. Actually, that’s an understatement. I like–and live–a regimented existence. I always have. If I shared my day-planner–(Don’t ask; I won’t share.) –you would discover that all the timeslots are full, from sunup to sundown.

These days, I’m discovering that I can accomplish everything that I want to accomplish in a day and still have some free time slots for me. Mine. All mine. This is a new sensation for me, and I like it. I had no idea before that 30 minutes here and there could expand into such vastly soft and silky luxuriousness.

ONGOING AND UPCOMING PROJECTS

1. Weekly Blog Posts.

I never dreamt how important my weekly blog posts would become to me. In the midst of whatever might be going on, writing my posts anchors me. They are essential components of who I am and of who I am yet to become.

2. Dolly: Life and Letters of Mary E. Wilkins Freeman.

My goodness. You know you’re in love when the love grows richer over time. My love affair with Mary E. Wilkins Freeman is now in its fifth decade.

My current project has as its foundation my The Infant Sphinx: The Collected Letters of Mary E. Wilkins Freeman (Scarecrow, 1985), praised by The Journal of Modern Literature as “the most complete record to date of Freeman’s life as writer and woman.” 

Since that publication, more letters have surfaced. Rather than simply updating The Infant Sphinx, I am working on a two-volume book: Dolly: Life and Letters of Mary E. Wilkins Freeman. Vol. 1: The New England Years (1852-1901). Vol II: The New Jersey Years (1902-1930).

This is a major scholarly work will take several more years. I am hopeful that Volume I will be published by the end of 2024 or the beginning of 2025.

3. Edinburg Ole Time Festival Authors Tent.

Look for me on September 16 and 17 in the lineup with other local authors. If you live in the area, please stop by not only to say “Hi” but also to support the festival.

4. The Humourist Essays.

This blog had its birth when I was a Chancellor’s Professor (2012-2014). My project focused on a remarkable collection of Colonial American essays, songs, poems, and advertisements published pseudonymously under the name of “The Humourist” in the South Carolina Gazette during 1753-1754. The Encyclopedia of the Essay (ed. Tracy Chevalier, 1997) places “The Humourist” essays in the tradition of Samuel Johnson’s Rambler essays and observes that they are the only “full-fledged literary” works to have appeared in the South Carolina Gazette. J. A. Leo Lemay (du Pont Winterthur Professor of English at the University of Delaware) noted in A Bibliographical Guide to the Study of Southern Literature (1969) that the essays should be edited, published, and the author identified.

I completed all of those tasks. My plan is to start sending the completed manuscript to publishers by the end of September, with an eye toward publication in January/February2024.

ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERS

I’m really glad that I’m continuing my decades-old practice of regularly reflecting on my performance. This time, though, is singularly different. I’m sharing my self-reflections with you. I like that. Actually, I like that a lot. By sharing my plans with you, I am, of course, holding myself accountable to readers from around the world. The ramifications are far-reaching. Equally important, by sharing my plans with you, you become my virtual accountability partners. You can count on me, and I know that I can count on you!

Telling Our Stories. Shaping Our Lives.

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A word is dead
When it is said,
Some say.
I say it just
Begins to live
That day.  

–Emily Dickinson (1830-1886; one of the most important poets in American literature.)

Who doesn’t love a good story? We all do. And why wouldn’t we? We’ve spent our entire lives–including our fetal days–listening to others’ stories. Equally important, we’ve spent most of our entire lives telling stories. Humans are born storytellers.

We spend a large part of every day sharing with others the stories of our lives and taking the time to let others share with us the stories of their lives. I’m not talking about stories with profound, monumental meaning. I’m talking about the simple joy of sharing the narrative of what’s going on in our lives. I’m talking about the simple joy of hearing the narrative about what’s going on in other people’s lives.

With friends and colleagues, we’re sure to get a story going as soon as we start talking about trips, cooking, movies, music, what’s happening at work, pets, health, or social media.

With family, we’re sure to get a story going as soon as we start talking about childhood memories, family traditions, milestones, lessons learned from parents, family challenges, or heirlooms.

Obviously, story topics often overlap with family and friends, and, obviously, the topics are far more extensive than the few examples that I just gave.

Our stories–our personal narratives–are invaluable. They help us:

● connect, laugh, cry, and bond.

● gain a deeper understanding of others’ experiences and lives.

● discover who the other people in our lives are.

● discover who we are.

● define and shape our lives.

Luckily, most of us know how to tell our stories.

● Start with just enough information to establish a timeframe and to identify where things are taking place.

● Tell what happened to put things into motion.

● Explain subsequent events, making each one more intense than the one before, and hopefully moving them along at a clipped pace.

● Make the climax the most intense moment in the story.

● Wrap things up and share some insights into the “meaning” of the story that we just told.

We know a lot when it comes to telling our stories.

At the same time, we fall short in one way that has far-reaching ramifications. More often than not, we don’t spend enough time thinking about what to put in and what to leave out.

Think about it for a minute: What should we put in our stories, our personal narratives?

Think about it for a minute: What should we leave out of our stories, our personal narratives?

What we leave out matters, but ironically, it’s what we put in that matters far more.

What we put in creates the image of who we are. It creates the dominant impression that our listeners–friends, family, colleagues, and casual acquaintances–have about us.

The stories that we tell reflect who we are, shape who we are, and determine who we are yet to become.

What got me to thinking about the significance of our personal narratives was a casual statement that someone made to me a few weeks ago when we were talking about one of my culinary triumphs:

“Everything that you make in the kitchen is extraordinary,” she said.

“Hardly,” I replied. I have lots of failures.”

“Really?”

“Of course, I do. I just don’t talk about them. Remember: it’s my story, and I’ll tell it my way.“

It’s my story, and I’ll tell it my way. I always have. I always will.

My way of telling my story–going as far back as I can remember–is to make it glisten with smiling happiness, hard work, steadfast belief, stubborn success, and undying optimism.

That’s not to say that I haven’t known the opposites of those glistenings. Of course, I have. Often, I have known them in overflowing measure, unknown to others.

At the same time, I have never allowed negatives to be the measure of who I am. When I share my story–my personal narrative–I give the downsides of my life exactly what I think they deserve: either no mention at all or brief mention at best.

For years, I’ve shared in my story that as early as the third grade, I knew that I wanted to be an English professor.

I have no idea where I got that notion. We certainly didn’t have any professors in my coal camp, although we had exceptional educators who, in my mind, walked on water. Who knows. Maybe one of them challenged me to go further than they had gone? Maybe it was my mother, who also walked on water. Maybe she challenged me to go further than she had seen others go.

I don’t remember. But I do recall that from the third grade forward, becoming an English professor became the thrust of my story–my personal narrative–that I told myself and that I shared with others.

The story came true. I became an English professor.

These days, my story is taking a new twist. I’m reinventing myself. When I tell people what I’m doing, I often get raised eyebrows.

“You mean you’ve retired?”

“No. I mean that I’m reinventing myself.”

For me, as someone who treasures words and stories, there’s a world of difference between retiring and reinventing.

It’s my story, and I’ll tell it my way. If the word professor carried my personal narrative forward from the third grade up until now–and it did, with success beyond measure, I might add–then I believe with all my heart that the word reinventing will carry my personal narrative forward for the rest of my life.

And you? What about you?

It’s your story to tell. How will you tell it? What will you put in? What will you leave out? As you make your choices, remember: the way that you tell your story will shape your life now and forever.

Less Talk. More Action.

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“Actions speak louder than words; let your words teach and your actions speak.”

St. Anthony of Padua (1195-1231; Roman Catholic Priest and friar of the Franciscan order; one of the most quickly canonized saints in church history, having been canonized less than a year after his death.)

Without a doubt, you remember my dog, Ruby. Right? You know: the one who found her way to me so that she could see me through to “The Other Side”. (Hopefully, she won’t be in any hurry. I’m not.)

Anyway, a few weeks back, Ruby survived a horrendous Copperhead bite. For hours after I rushed her to the nearest Animal Emergency Hospital where she was admitted, I feared that I would be seeing her through to the other side. (I’m in no hurry for her journey, either.)

I’m not one to cast blame–and I certainly would not cast blame on Ruby, my Old Soul who can do no wrong–but I’ve gotten it into my head that she saw that Copperhead creepy-crawling along in our woodland yard, went up close to check it out, and ignored its tail slowly getting into a tighter position to leverage its head for a powerful and swift strike. How else could the Copperhead have managed to sink its venomous fangs right inside her mouth? It did. Mind you: I would never–absolutely never–tell Ruby that I think she provoked the snake. So, I beg you, too: please do not tell her. (But I think she did. Okay. Maybe she did. Perhaps.)

Whether yay or nay, you can rest assured that I told my neighbors so that they could protect themselves and their furry best friends.

Truly. That was my only reason for sharing the near tragic event. I didn’t want any sympathy or any attention.

Yet, at the same time, I confess that I would have appreciated a phone call or two just to check. Those calls would have meant as much to me as the regular calls from my sisters and the regular text messages that I got from other friends who live miles away. Letting people know that we care matters. Let’s face it: how long does it take to make a phone call or text a message?

Well, I’m not complaining. I have splendid neighbors, and we’ve known one another for years and years. The fact that they had not inquired about Ruby only crossed my mind once or twice, and whenever it did, I let the thought move on after a sarcastic monologue, “Thank you so much for asking. Ruby’s a fighter, and she’s recovering beautifully. I’m getting on good, too. I really appreciate your concern.”

But, like I said, I let those thoughts move right out of my head just as rapidly as they had moved in, and I paid them nary no mind whatsoever. I really didn’t, until the day when I was driving past one of my neighbors, and I stopped to chat.

“I was gonna call you to check on Ruby, but I never got around to it.”

Well, that got me thinking about all the things that we say we’re gonna do. I’ve been thinking about it since and that was several weeks ago.

Things we say we’re gonna do, but just don’t do.

Mind you: I’m not talking about things that we don’t have the courage to do, like becoming a firefighter or ceasing to worry about what other people think or say about us.

Or things that we don’t have the money to do, like hiring our personal chef (but you can ask me anyway) or boasting our own private jet.

Or things that we don’t know how to do and that we don’t want to learn how to do, like flying an airplane or creating video games.

I’m talking about all the things that we say we’re gonna do that take nothing more than time and commitment.

I’m talking about things we say we’re gonna do for ourselves, like really drinking eight glasses of water a day (instead of just talking about it) or really losing those last ten pounds (instead of just talking about it).

I’m talking about things we say we’re gonna do for the world around us, like volunteering at our local hospital (instead of just talking about volunteering) or donating to a charity (instead of just talking about donating).

I’m talking about things we say we’re gonna do for others, like telling someone how treasured they are (instead of just talking about telling them) or visiting a friend or loved one (instead of just talking about visiting).

I may be wrong, but I’ve been tossing around a list of statements starting with “I was gonna” and, without fail, each is followed with, “but I never got around to it.”

What a pity. More often than not, “I was gonna” could make our lives, our world, and the lives of others better and brighter if we focused less on talk and more on action.

An Unexpected Morning with Johnny Swing

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“During the interaction between the viewer and the work of art a sharing occurs, the senses are alerted, and a primal experience is generated by being on/in the work. A feeling of bliss, a surprise, a sense of oneness and belonging exists. After the initial shock of the experience comes the inevitable investigation on the part of the viewer, and what was once limited to the eyes is now open to the flesh.”

Johnny Swing (b. 1961, “Artist Statement.” one of the foremost exponents of the American Studio Furniture movement, specializing in “objects of refulgence with money”)

In keeping with the way most articles begin about Johnny Swing, I suppose that I should start this post by saying:

Yes. That’s his real name.

But this isn’t just any article about Johnny Swing. So I don’t need to start by declaring that it’s his real name. (Just for the record, it is.)

So I’ll move on to the backstory, which is where I planned to begin anyway. Backstories have a way of getting to the heart of the matter.

This backstory begins when I was planning my Vermont trip to launch my recently published edition of Mary E. Wilkins Freeman’s Green Mountain Stories.

For the Brattleboro part of my journey, I started looking for a VRBO home that was pet friendly. (I had intended to take my dog Ruby, but that part of my best-laid plan went astray, as you may recall from my post “A Road Trip Beyond Expectations.”)

I found a charming cottage situated on a farm, sixteen miles or so outside of Brattleboro. That was a little further away than I desired, but the cottage and the farm seemed so idyllic that I knew my stay there was written in the stars.

I reached out to the owners, and within 24 hours, we had sealed the deal. They emailed me precise directions, gave me their cell phone numbers, and ended with this charmer:

Our house … is the white house on your left. Turn in the first driveway and go between the house and garage up the little hill, and the guest house will be off to the left. We will leave the guest house open and the key hanging by the door.

I smiled a wider than usual smile, whispering to myself: we will leave the house open and the key hanging by the door.

Still smiling, I replied:

Thanks for reminding me why Vermont has such a special place in my heart.

As my trip drew closer, I decided to Google my own set of directions. When I added the address of the cottage where I would be staying, I was stunned by what popped up: Johnny Swing Welding.

OMG. I was beside myself. Can this be THE Johnny Swing–“one of the most celebrated exponents of the American Studio Furniture Movement?”

I had heard of THIS Johnny Swing, and I had actually seen some of his work in Sotheby’s catalogues. The artist who earned his Fine Arts degree from Skidmore College and later obtained his Class 1 Structural Steel Welding License. The artist whose coin-based furniture contours to the natural curves of the human body, and comfortably so, I might add. The artist whose sofa “All the King’s Men” (welded of JFK half dollars) fetched $155,000 at Christie’s.

A little research confirmed that THIS Johnny Swing and the Johnny Swing in whose cottage I would be staying were one and the same.

I was ecstatic. Actually, I was smitten. I immediately fired off a short one-sentence email:

I love your sculpture.

Sara, his wife, replied:

I’ll tell Johnny. He will be happy to give you a tour of his shop if you would like.

“I would be thrilled,” I replied.

How’s them apples? The world-acclaimed Johnny Swing has a shop. Lesser artists have studios. But then, Johnny Swing doesn’t need to be pretentious. And he isn’t.

The day before I arrived, Sara emailed me again:

In case you are a poker player, we are having a big poker party tomorrow night about 6 or so. At least stop by for burgers. (Beef and vegetarian.) It’s Johnny’s birthday this weekend.

When I arrived, I met Sara, as she unloaded groceries from her car. We had a great chat about a food co-op that I had just visited in a neighboring town. I felt as if I had known Sara for a long, long time, so much so that I knew she would understand that I was road weary and simply had to beg off both Friday night invitations.

I drove on up the stone’s-throw distance to the guest house, and, indeed, it was as they said it would be. The door was unlocked, and the key was hanging by the door. As I found out later, the guest house was Johnny Swings’s grandmother’s artist studio, originally situated adjacent to the main house. With Swing ingenuity, Johnny took cranes, moved it uphill closer to the pasture, retained the original studio with its exposed wooden beams, added several more rooms, and created a welcoming and refreshing guest house. The deck–on two sides, both facing pastureland–is shaped like the bow of a ship, supported by massive steel girders, nowhere to be seen from the top.

Inside the cottage, I felt right at home. Everything–well, nearly everything–looked just like the website photos. However, when I walked into my bedroom, I saw two chairs that weren’t included in the website photos. I knew immediately that Johnny Swing had made those chairs. Secured to a splayed-leg steel frame, the continuous chair seat and back looked like identically sized glass cylinders arranged with mathematical precision. Unlike most of Swing’s other pieces, these are not made of coins. Each chair is made of baby-food jars, 96 to be precise. I know. I counted. Each row is 6 baby-food jars wide, and there are 16 rows, running from the front lip of the seat to the uppermost part of the back. The bottoms of the jars face outward. The lids secure each jar to short stainless-steel rods anchored to the chair’s stainless-steel frame.

I was mesmerized, first, by the light streaming in the windows, shimmering around inside each jar, and beaming off in all directions onto the polished but bare hardwood floor. It was a chair, but it was more than a chair. It was a magical kaleidoscope teasing me to sit on its ever-changing brilliance.

I felt compelled to touch the chair. When I did, I was mesmerized again. How could glass jars–bottoms up, all lined up in rows with gaps between each jar–feel so solid, so smooth, and so soft all at the same time?

By then, the chair (whose seductive sensuality I had been enjoying) invited me to sit. I did. At that moment, I was mesmerized for a third time. The chair was remarkably–no, amazingly–comfortable. It fit the contours of my buttocks and the curves of my back, as if it had been made just for me. As I sat, I continued watching as each of the jars surrounding me captured the sunlight momentarily and then tossed the rays onto the hardwood floor to be absorbed into the fleeting foreverness of now. I sat and sat and sat for a long, long, long while before allowing myself to be mesmerized all over again by becoming one with the second chair.

Before I knew it, the sun was going down. I retreated to the bed, not to sleep but rather to lie there, looking to see what I could see. Looking directly ahead and through the window flanked by the two chairs, I could see sheep and several cows grazing in the pasture. To the right, a small barn, its once bright redness weathered to soft burgundy. Further up the hill and on the pasture’s edge, the sugar shack. (Yes: Johnny Swing makes his own maple syrup under the label Spring Farm.)

Below the window was a Swing table, supported by a stainless-steel frame–rather industrial looking–with a magnificent top, about 3 inches thick, made of multiple layers of glass. One of the interior layers was cracked. Swing incorporated it into the table anyway as his way of creating art from what he finds and as a reminder of the beauty to be found in our brokenness.

Looking overhead, I was spellbound by the light fixture suspended by a copper rod: two shades of hammered copper–reminding me of sombrero rims–each with a lighted jar attached at a whimsical, non-vertical, cock-eyed angle.

Saturday and Sunday found me busy with my research. In the back of my mind both days, of course, was the lingering hope of meeting Johnny Swing in person and having a tour of his shop.

When I looked out my window Monday morning, I saw Sara and Johnny ambling to the pasture to feed the cows and sheep. I knew that this was my moment. As they made their way out of the pasture, I made my way out of the house, walking briskly toward them. I introduced myself to Johnny, and we shook hands.

Do you have time to see my shop today?

Absolutely.

Let me have a little breakfast, and we’ll head off.

Not long afterward, we were on our way. Johnny was impressed by my Jeep Gladiator and suggested that we drive up a weathered, washed-out, one-lane road to the top of the mountain so that he could show me the camp that he and his father had built there years ago.

The drive up was slow and easy, as was our conversation touching on everything from our upbringing, our college days, our loves and our losses, and the power of new beginnings.

When we reached the top, I was speechless. The stunning home that I saw–though needing some tender loving care–could never be called a camp. But then again, I guess that it can be called a camp just as readily as Johnny can call his studio a shop.

Johnny eased himself into a deck chair–one of a pair made by one of his college friends–while I photographed him and the house and the majestic views of the mountains that the house and Johnny and I faced.

We stayed and continued chatting and then made the slow descent down the mountain, past Johnny’s home and my cottage.

The shop was only a mile or so away, and I had passed it daily without realizing what I was passing.

We entered. As Johnny turned on the lights, he came alive. His shop, his theater in the round. I, his solitary morning audience. His face, always pleasant and relaxed, beamed an inner joy that made him glow as he showed me around, lifting many of the coin sculptures to point out the precise artistry of the underlying structures and to show me some of the Styrofoam molds that serve as initial building blocks for his larger metallic pieces.

I was joyed beyond joy to see Kora-lle which I had seen in a catalog somewhere or other. Johnny could not help himself: the expansive “tongue “chair licked him in, and he leaned back in a moment of bliss that is as fresh in my mind as if I had just witnessed his lounging there.

If I was smitten by Johnny Swing’s art before fate destined me to be a guest in his cottage–and I was–I was even more smitten now that I had seen him in action in his shop.

After his up-close-and-personal tour, we headed back: Johnny, to his home; I, to my cottage. Before my thank yous and our goodbyes, I gave Johnny signed copies of my Green Mountain Stories and In Bed: My Year of Foolin’ Around.

I looked at my watch. It was noon. Can you imagine? Johnny Swing had gifted me the entire morning of his 62nd birthday.